Malu, segan or perasan? Realiti kehidupan.

Last night was an excellent night. Me and my team manager, enjoyed the night by watching the clear sky and the stars from the swimming pool of her house. Yes, we went swimming. Ok...let me rephrase that, we we not swimming, it was actually more of having a dip or 'berendam' because both of us do not know how to swim...hehehe.......looking for volunteer to teach us how to swim.

The pool was lovely, not that deep (not deep at all actually) and the water was not cold. I managed to practise my 'floating' and 'diving' techniques. (hahaha...tu je yang boleh) Thank god we didn't change our plan just because some young boys were swimming there last night. Mula tu malu jugak....not that we are wearing 2 pieces swimsuit or something like that but its just more of maybe sharing the pool with other people. Tapi , lepas dah warm up, we didn't even notice them. It reminded me of a conversation with a friend an hour before that,

A: kau gi mana malam ni?
Me: Gi swimming at my friend's apartment
A: Fuyoo...ada banyak 'chicks' tak? Yg cun-cun ler..
Me: entahlah. tak tau lak. We all nak swim pun later at night.
A: Laa..apahal pulak? kau pakai bikini ke apa yg segan sangat?
Me: Giler apa kau ni....

Mana tak segan, belum gi swimming orang dah tanya ada minah cun tak kat situ. Definitely people like us are ' aware' yang orang memang akan memandang. And that is the reason why we want to swim later at night hopefully with nobody around or less people. So that nobody will give us that 'look'.

This part, I respect the mat sallehs regarding this. They just don't care. Rupa cantik atau tak, badan sexy ke tak...they don't mind. They just wear what they want to wear. As long as their beloved partners see them as somebody they love and they are comfortable with what they wear. Bukan macam kita kat sini, mesti ada rasa 'concious' (macam bebudak stf cakap - i'm not sure on the spelling too). Here, in Malaysia, they want everything to be perfect. Not to say to everybody but majority. Nak yang cun aje, badan macam Maria Sharapova, rupa macam Aiswarya Rai and the list goes on. Kesian la kat my friends yang single mingle out there....definitely no chance to get a partner for some of them. (bukan ape, aku nak tolong try promote my friends here)

Touching on this subject, me, being a malaysian lady with my height at about 5'10", huh... tak payah cakaplah...everytime I go somewhere mesti orang pandang samada macam kenal or ...macam kite ni pelik sangat. Maybe they all tak pernah tengok malaysian ladies as tall and as big as I am. If I am thin, than I think I don't really stand out.Sometimes, when we go to a new place, or gerai, my friends will ask me, "kau biasa ke datang sini ke?" or " do you know them coz they look at you as if they know you". If anybody has the experience walking with me, then they'll know. And this is also one of the reason kenapa I jarang buat 'jahat'. People might just recognise me ....dari jauh ke, dalam gelap ke..sama je.

Compared to when I was in the UK for a few months last year, I felt right at home actually. Nobody cares how I looked like. Eventhough I pakai tudung, orang kat sana tak tengok pelik pun. Ni , in our own beloved country, orang tengok and treat us weirdly. When I was there, I went to a happening club in Ashfield - 'Liquid' wearing a headscarf, and nobody looked at me weirdly! The truth is, I miss UK so much because I feel that the people there accepted me better than my own country. They don't care what you do or what you wear actually. And most of them also don't judge the book by its cover. Yes, people will always say that but they don't do as what they said. Konon, don't judge the book by its cover, tapi belum apa-apa lagi your action speaks louder than words.

p/s: It reminded me when I was in school days. From form 2 till form 5 , when I represented my school for the yearly basketball tournament, the boys from other school called me "giant".As a teenager, I was really hurt, and because of that I really, really, I mean really hated boys. Thank god for the desire to win, they can call me with whatever names they wanted.....at least I've got what I wanted - playing for Johor and helped my team to win.....

Oh ya...until now, there is also a famous school coach who still calls me giant....the difference is now....we are friends .