No promises

I want to sleep,
But I'm not sleepy yet

I want to rest,
But I'm not feeling tired

I want to write,
But I don't know what to write about tonight

I want to talk,
But there's nobody to talk to

I don't know what's happening to me today...
Or maybe lately....

It feels so weird....

Then...
I heard this song being played on TV and since Along said its nice, I paid extra attention to the lyrics:

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Everytime you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, girl.
I just need you you to know girl.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don't want to run away, I want to stay forever, thru Time and Time..
No promises

I don't wanna run away, I don't wanna be alone
No Promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, now and forever my love

No promises

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms
Here tonight.


Hmmm.....No Promises? I guess it is true

Married to my job(s)

Alhamdulillah. I managed to arrive safely returning from JB today. Got panic the moment I found out Konsortium's ticket had ran out and only available for the 10.30pm trip. Thank God there are still a lot more available for Transnasional 7.00pm tickets. Again, luck is always on my side lately.I guess its just the girls and their prayers.And I would like to give my 'doa' to the cab driver who was nice to me just now from CM to Bangsar without charging me extra. Insya Allah, murahlah rezeki you.

One of my F3 girl is selected to go for a 'Merentas Desa' MSSM in Labuan this March. Yes - they do have that event now.I think its an 8km outside the stadium run? Not so sure. She's one of the top 5 for Johor. Not bad eh? Congratulations Dayah! That's the way girl!

2 days with the girls after the last trip that I made 2 weeks ago- made me see clearer now. I think the girls think that I have abandoned them. They are comparing it with last year.Last year, it was different. I went to STF every weekend.Yes, EVERY. But this year, my trip has been reduced to once in 2 weeks. Yesterday, I explained why this happens now. Not because that I don't care, but they are in good hands now. And my visit there is to make sure nobody is complacent, and they are improving in their skills and also stamina.

And I reminded them again- I will always be there for them, Insya Allah.To help them get what they have always wanted. Win the trophy. Be a strong team and individual. Achieve excellent results in their exams.

But I also told them that these plans will only succeed with hardwork, prayers and greenlight from the Mighty One.And with that in mind - anything can happen in the future. And whatever it is, life has to go on. Challenges must be faced.I do hope I can be with them till they get what they want.

Oh! Other than that...I thought I am the only crazy LEO in town. To my dearest sis in JB - I am SO happy for you. It is a BIG achievement to have done that.I don't think I could. Now its just the time to accelerate, to shine, to kick some assess! I guess, both of us are 'tied' up but enjoying our lives to the fullest.(eventhough its 2 totally different scenarios but the way our decisions were made - its the same way at almost the same time!) There might be hiccups along the way, but ..hey! that's life dear. A small negative thing compare to a BIG postive thing ...is nothing but just a reminder for us not to be complacent.I hope we will keep reminding each other.

I also had a chat with some friends on the topic - is there such thing as a 'Permanent Marriage' nowadays? Hmm...permanent might be (eventhough its not guaranteed), but Happy? What is the definition of a happy marriage then? I have had a happy marriage that lasted almost 9 years - but I learnt that was definitely not a guarantee that its permanent. Some might want to be seen as staying married but the reality is not that happy or happy but actually not married. And I , for sure, do not want to fall into any of the 2 categories above.Maybe I should do some 'google-ing' around and go back to the basic of marriage in Islam.

Sleep will never be enough

Today, I slept a little longer than I should. I just needed the extra rest.I've been having sleep depriviation for the past 2 days...what else due to the usual stomach cramps. And this weekend, I'm going to JB again to train the girls. My schedule will be really, really tight this Saturday and Sunday. But that will help me to stay busy and time will definitely fly.

Hmmm...I'm working morning next week. And below are next week's list of things to do:

- Must make sometime to go and watch Music and Lyrics and Rocky Balboa - I love Rocky (did I mention that I learned to skip fast from watching Rocky years ago?)

-There's a lunch meeting which I hope to attend.

-Bills settlement day - since payday is coming soon

-Some girlfriends plan to do some activities during the weekend. Would love to join.Hopefully its confirmed and nothing else pops up last minute.

-And spend some quality time with somebody special. (I seem to prefer afternoon shifts more and more now.I wonder why... ;-)

Oh.....I guess I'm lucky. Somebody wants to swap shift with me. So that means I'll be doing afternoon shift next week. Hurray!! But not on Friday as I have made up plans.

Hmmm.......as for now, I think, all the above, Insya Allah, will run smoothly as per planned.

Note- when good things just happened one after another, its just too good to be true. Sometimes its scary because we know that it will definitely not last. But I guess, I've got no other choice then to enjoy it as much as I can!

'Comfort zone'

In 2004, my previous company sent us, the executives and managers above, for a team-building session in The Andaman,Langkawi. That was our advantage - as the company owned the hotel - we had the priviledge to be flown there, stay at the 5 start resort and also had the luxury of dining at The Datai.

That's beside the point here. The training made us explored our 'Comfort Zone'. All in all, in brief, in order for us to grow, to succeed, to be better, we have to move on. Once we are in our comfort zone, we need to take the risk by going out of it.Step out of our comfort zone.

And I still remember what my ex-boss said, " I told you.You were stubborn. You think by doing 'this' you are stepping out of comfort zone and achieve something that you want?You are stepping out of your country and not your comfort zone. You also had taken a big RISK. And as a result, this is what happened. Do not regret."

To my beloved ex-boss - I just want to tell you that I did not regret about the decision I made of 'Stepping out of my comfort zone'.It was a big risk. It was a test. It was also a fate. It was truly a turning point for me. Indeed it was a struggle and involved a lot of heart aches, but I guess this is my fate. With hope, determination and lots of prayers, Alhamdulillah I've managed through and also learnt a lot from it.

BUT...I will never forget what you said. And I think because of that...it prepares me for anything that will come in the future.

And because of the risk I took, I get to know these really nice people who are still my good friends. Insya Allah, one day, I may be able to visit them in Europe.

The Holidays

Look at the highway from Bangsar to USJ. These photos were taken this morning at about 7.15am , the 3rd day of Chinese New Year Celebration. I wasn't preparared with my camera , ended up taking these with my PDA phone.It was a long weekend for most working people. 'Most' - not including myself. Well, if its not because I just finished work this morning at 7am - I wouldn't have been that early driving where everybody else is still sleeping!! How I wish everyday is like this! Less cars - no traffic - less stress.

Note: I just watched The Holidays - I love the movie. It reminded of somebody. I wish you are here!!

Our first ever Annual Dinner

Local food - VMY3

I always tell people that I am from Terengganu. The truth is, I was born in KL, brought up in Shah Alam - the same house where my mom and sister still stay until now, spent 5 years schooling in Johor Bahru and all the school holidays, without failed, spent it with my grandma and relatives in Terengganu.

Other than spending a lot of fun times in Terengganu, I also love the food. This is the list of some of my fave food- well, some of you might not even come across it yet. Well, as a start , since its Visit Malaysia Year - why don't give it a try?

Jeruk 'dala' and jeruk 'maman' - this is what we call it. I'm not sure how it is spelled though. Its actually kind of preserved leaves/flower and to be eaten with rice. It has a sourish taste from the liquid and a bit of bitter from the leaves or flower itself.

'Kenas / kenah' - its made from half cooked 'remis' which is a kind of seafood. It is also fermented and it has a strong, kind of rotten smell. If its your first time or even now, don't ever try to smell it. Again to be eaten with rice. The taste - its kind of an appetizer and it really opens up your appetite. Its been a long time since I last ate it.Maybe I could ask my mom to make it.

'Blotok' - its the local sausage. Made from our own version of mince beef which includes the meat and some 'fat', mixed with a bit of fried uncooked 'rice' and fine salt. Later, to be inserted into the cow intestines which had been cleaned earlier. The end result - it will look exactly like sausages. Later , it needs to be dried in the hot sune for a few days. To eat it - we need to fry it first. This traditional food is what we define as ' smell like hell , tastes like heaven'

Belinjau nuts - in front of my grandma's house, there are a few belinjau trees. The fruit/nut is as big as almond nuts and red in colour. Usually, in Indonesia where it is famous, it is turned into crackers. But for us, we eat it like nuts. To process, we need to soak it in water to soften the red skin to peel it off. The 'seed' than later needs to be fried. The unique part is, we fry it with hot sand (like frying the chestnuts).

'Petai' jeruk - usually petai will be eaten raw as part of the 'ulam' or a lot of people add it to their cooking such as sambal petai or masak lemak. However for us, we also preserved it. My granma and mom is really good in preparing this. I can't really explain- other than the strong smell, it has this taste which would increase your appetite and make you eat more rice (bad for me!)

Putu mayam with sweet gravy - usually , putu mayam is to be eaten with either grated coconut and brown sugar or with chicken curry gravy. However, in my hometown, we eat it with this sweet gravy . I'm not sure what its made of but one of the ingredients is the authentic 'brown sugar'. I don't really like it actually.

Tapai ubi goreng - tapai ubi is usually eaten just like that when its ready. But for us, would prefer it to be fried. Tihs is another food which I have not eaten for quite sometime. Maybe my next visit , I'll ty to find it.

Squid's eggs - yummy...I love this one eventhough I know it has really high cholestrol. When its the high season for squids and they dry it to be sold - the eggs will be sold to the locals for a really cheap price.

Etok - it is a type of small , tiny clams. The size of 5 cents coin.I'm not sure whether it is breeded or it can only be found in the local river. So far, I have not found it here in Klang Valley. It has this salty taste. Eating it is like eating sunflower seeds - you keep going on and on and on. How its cooked? I'm really not sure, but I think once I heard my granma said it needs to be marinated and steamed to preserve the original taste.

Turtle's eggs - I know, I know its banned. The last time I had it was about 10 years ago. Does not matter how long you boil it - it will not get hard like the chicken eggs.It has a soft , jellyish texture. I almost wanted to buy it 4 years back when I was in Sandakan - but the consequences of getting caught - we will be fined for RM5000 - no thank you.

Maybe, the next Fear Factor, I would like to suggest them to get the participants to eat things like Kenas or Blotok. But I guess, it is still not as bad as 'Balut' from Phillipines and the cheese with maggot from one of the Europe countries. Yucks!!!!

Michelle's wedding

This is a long due event which I did not post up. It was in December last year. I just got the photos recently and came across this 'slide show' thingy.
The result....very nice....

10 days

Wow! Time really flies. Without noticing, its been 10 days since my last update. Looking at the dates, it has been long. But the times flies so fast and I just couldn't believe it its already 15th February.

I guess, a lot of things contributed to this. Some of the things that I can remember...( I know, I feel like I have a short term memory loss here):

;-) My GM and Training Manager came down from the UK for 2 weeks to do our appraisals. It turned out good.
;-) Brought them shopping at PS Boutique and a bit of 'local food tasting'. Yummy.....in the end, all they love was Secret Recipe and Chilli's and I think I've put on weight because of that.
;-) Went down to JB last weekend to check out the girls and make sure that they are not complacent. They look good but can be better.
;-) We are going to get a new Office Manager - she's cool
;-) This is a shocking part for me , but they've promoted me and the other 2 to 'Operations Manager'. And we will be sent back to the UK for more training in the near future. The job is going to get tougher now. The title just 'scares' me.
;-) I've put in a request to be sent to South Africa to help with the company's growth....Insya Allah, I'm really hoping to get it

and last but not least,

;-) Somebody has been helping me to fill in my time lately at home. And has also helped me to be more postive and strong to face the future. Ohh....how I love technology!! Putting a smile in my face all the time without bursting my budget!


And there's another 2 more weeks to go in February which will also take a lot of my time as we are going to be 'under staffed' during the CNY week. That means - need to do OT. And next weekend, I'm going to JB again for the girls' final fitness preparation before the coming camp in March and than hopefully they will be able to retain their title during the Southern Zone PPM from 22-25th March 2007.


p/s: Sounds perfecto huh? Well, I did cried my heart out yesterday- 14th Feb. At times, I still can't control some things- even how hard I tried to. And I just don't have the explanation...

Small, new toys

Yay! I got my new toy already. Tiny but very meaningful. Went all the way to Low Yatt to get it. The 1G Penskin thumbdrive (Sorry Esty -but I've got no other options and this looks the best!), another new stylus for my O2 phone -its actually the 3rd one that I have bought - I kept loosing it somewhere :(
And my new mechanical pencil ;-) I've wanted to buy its since months back, only now managed to.

Oh yeah, and the organiser was from my boss. ( I don't really need it but its kind of cool carrying it around...hehehe)

And, how can a person, that is so far away, has so much effect on us? I really, really don't understand. But I guess, when it involves feelings and emotions, its just unexplainable. I just need to have faith and prayers.

NKOTB

Its nearly 2.30am now and I still can't close my eyes.No, I'm not having sleeping issues. Never had any. just that my stomach is growling.....wanting to be fed. But this is like the forbidden hour to eat (remember Gremlins? No feeding after 12 midnight). Oh , I know why..last week I had to do night shift, so now I'm supposed to be working and eating junk food. That explains.

Anyway, other than that, had a nice , soothing chat (soothing? hmmm....) with a friend with YM voice service. Sometimes, I wish I have a friend like him here in Malaysia. ;-) We chat for about an hour and due to the time difference, he had to leave to go for dinner at his friend's. Maybe by the time he returns it would be too late for me to stay awake. Oh... I could just send him sms then. :-)

Right after that, a girlfriend called and sounded down. We also had a very interesting topic to discuss and share our opinion. What else...regarding on men. Not gossiping but more of a sharing of feelings, experience and advices. Like they (men) can't understand how complex a woman can be, we couldn't also catch how simple a man can be.

It was almost 2am when we decided to say good night to each other. And here I am, feeling hungry - decided just to have a glass of 3 in 1 milo, updating my blog.

Oh ya...I managed to download some NKOTB songs. Just for the fun of it.....I don't really admire any of the members but I did love their songs.Songs like Please Don't Go Girl, Didn't I Blow Your Mind and I'll Be Loving You Forever. And listening to it last night, reminds me of STF days.....such sweet songs.
With my limited IT knowledge, I can only upload their photos. I wish I could put up their songs too!

Freezer Room

Sometimes, I will have the moments of "I feel I can finish a tub of ice-cream". So that the ice cream will go down my throat, and hopefully its ' -4 degrees temperature', will eventually make me numb from any heart ache.The feeling is always bad. It hurts so bad. Maybe because of what I've been through it makes me very,very sensitive .

Yes, today I had that feeling again. Am I expecting too much from a friend until if the person was not able to do what he has promised due to some reasons - I always feel that I'm being lied to or cheated easily?Or is it maybe because I have feelings for this person? Or maybe because I trust people easily.I don't really know the answer to this.But one thing I know - he called later in the day and explained why he wasn't able to do what he had promised. And it was not his fault.

Somebody told me 2 days ago, I'm having 'self denial' issues with myself. Maybe I was self guarding myself. Maybe I was protecting myself from being hurt. That is normal for people like me. But I can't imagine myself without self denial, it would have been worst by now! At least, now, I would just crave for a tub of Haagen Dazs. What if the ice cream does not have any effect anymore? Then I think I would need my own 'freezer room' so that I can freeze myself.(When I was in the UK 2 Haagen Dazs pint cost only 3 pounds!)

That reminded me - that was what I did when I was working with KFC earlier. When I had issues with some customers - almost losing my temper, I would lock myself in the freezer room for about 5 minutes - just to cool myself down. Maybe I should start doing that again. But where can I find an accessible freezer room when I need one? (Its like a 'Panic Room' but has totally opposite function...hehe )

Or else, I have to find somebody who has the effect of 'cooling' down my temperature. And that is definitely not easy to find. But I can't deny...I am looking for that person. Or maybe the person will find me eventually.

*Blurrr*

Working night shift is unique. You wil be working the whole night and can only sleep during the day. You think that you have enough sleep and rest, but actually you will still be 'blurr' at times. Like what had happened to me:

Went to the petrol station to pump petrol and get some cash from the ATM.

At the machine, put in my card, and it reads:
"Sorry, the machine is unable to read your card details"
The machine rejected the card.
Suddenly I saw it was MYKAD instead of the Maybank card.
Oh!! Thank god nobody was queuing behind me.


And I went to the counter to pay for the petrol and gave him RM30 for pump no 14.
He keyed in to the cash register, and asked me,
"nak receipt, kak?"
I said ,"No"
Then he asked, " ada kad mesra kak?"
I said ,"No" again.
Then I realised, why was I still standing there staring at him. I'm supposed to be filling in my petrol already by now.
He must have thought that I am weird....


And I thought I have had enough sleep for the day.