For the past 4 weekends I've been busy, either doing things with friends, went back to Terengganu for a short trip, went to watch a basketball tournament or even went down to JB to coach - there was always people around me. The moment I don't have any plans, I will spend the whole 24 to 48 hours at home - doing nothing. Nothing means waking up late, staying in bed, flipping through the Ikea magazine in detail,back to sleeping again, and now its already 9.00pm. How fast time flies.
Being married for 8 years, and the last 2 years was back to single life, there is definitely a big difference.I'm still trying to adjust myself to this new life. ( Especially during the weekends...arghghhh!!)
The good part of it is, nobody is there to :
- pressure you to clean the house. (not that I was pressured)
- ask you why did you come back late. (I do miss being questioned, as I know the person cares and jealous)
- telling you to cook. (I only cook the food that I like)
- remind me there's a lot of clothes need to be washed and folded (this happens seldomly)
The sad part is, when you have the break from all this activities, you come back to an empty house and there is no one :
- to greet you.
- to give you a hug.
- to talk to you.
- to give you advise and pacify you when you need one.
- to just lazying around on the weekends
- to walk in the park and hold your hand
As some of my friends said that I'm lucky not to have children and could go back to 'single' lifestyle - but in my case, I don't really go out partying. I don't really enjoy being single. The worst part is when you call your friends to go out with and they said they are spending time with their family or bf.
Luckily the next 2 weekends will be spent with the girls. That will take 2 of my weekends away from staying at home, alone. But these 2 weekends are the final weekends for this year before the basketball season for this year ends. And after that, I need to fill in the blanks. Hmm...As my company is going 24/7 by June, I foresee myself volunteering to do OT on Saturdays and Sundays.
Alhamdulillah as of now, I do have somebody who cares for me.Eventhough he is nowhere nearby and we might only meet in October (I know that's 5 months away!) And I do hope he would be able, one day, to 'fill in' my sad part above.I just have to remind myself to have faith and tawakkal to Allah that I will not be mistreated again.
To mama.....even though we don't hug, it does not mean I care less, even though I never mention the words , does not mean that I love you less, but I've been too independent due to our family history. I just want you to know, with your support, I am doing ok..alhamdulillah. Thank you for everything. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.
Received a call from a good friend today - she just found out her husband is having an affair . With 4 kids, and her sister's wedding 2 weeks away, this is the last thing on earth that she should be thinking off. I just met her about 3 weeks ago- happy updating me with her family stories. And now....its the opposite. You are a strong mom,P. Stay strong as your kids need you. I trust you know what is the best decision for you.
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