12 weeks = 3 months = single life again

It has been approx. about 12 weeks or 3 months my life has been different...in other words being single again. And within these 3 months, a lot of things has happened. A lot of interesting things. Things that I wouldn't dream of happening. Maybe before this I wasn't ready to talk about it openly. Well, now I am ready to even write a portion of it in my blog. (woah...there's still limit to it!)
Yes, 6th Oct was the official date. The day which I wasn't looking forward to.(addition to being jobless for the past 7 months) Or maybe look forward to. I'm not sure myself. Well, the truth is , I was proud and happy to be married. I was never relunctant to admit it.Especially when it lasts up till the 8th year and we still looked as if we were dating. (oh yeah....) We always say "setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya". Things happened.This time it happened to me. And this is when you need to have faith, you need to believe that things always happened for a reason. Let me just keep it to myself and family members the details of it.

I needed to make THE decision. At times like this - you have 2 options. The 1st option - You can forgive, forget and go on with your lives as usual, as if nothing had happened. The 2nd option - if you can forgive but can't forget, then you got to let it go. Move on with your life. Well, you can pretend as if nothing happened. But what if history repeats itself? Will you be able to face it again? You have in the 1st place pretended nothing had happened. The wound will start to bleed again and this time it will be worst than the 1st time. There will be quarrels. There will be fights. Something which I don't look forward to.

We sat down and talked about it. Discussed on the possible outcomes for both scenarios. Both parties agreed that there would be a "cooling off" period. Him, especially, tried his very best to win my heart again. What can I say, the "sparks" were not there anymore. Nothing. I feel plain. I feel numb. No love - nothing!

The more I think of it, the more I got confused and sad. Really sad.
Frankly - I don't hate him. I don't dislike him. But because of the betrayal, I just can't love him anymore. It felt as if somebody had used a big scissors and snapped my heart out of my body. Maybe because I had loved him a lot. Too much.

And again, I do not want to get into a fight or quarrel. I had 8 wonderful years with him. I've enjoyed it. I'll cherish it. Whoever who replaces that spot - is a lucky girl. It doesn't mean that he would do the same mistake as he did with me.

For now - I would just like to concentrate on my new and interesting job, playing and coaching basketball and do some social work.

For Dynamites and Cagers out there - thank you very much for accepting me. I know a lot of you don't realise it, but you guys changed my life. You made me stronger and cheered me up when I was down.In a way, you guys motivated me.

To K. Ana and family - Sofia, Syafiq and Syaza - I don't think the words "thank you" can describe it at all. You are part of my family.

Anybody who meets me out there - don't worry, Alhamdulillah I'm ok. Like I said,'things always happen for a reason'. I got really lucky coz my new company sent me to the UK for 35 days for training and I just came back. I've moved on. I've recovered.....Insya Allah..... and did I mention after losing 7 kgs - I gained 6 kgs when I was there? hahaha.......with all the chocolates and cakes...who can resist it?

Well....the memories and the scar will always be there........ and,to think of it, I am still lucky to be alive in this world....Alhamdulillah.