Bila tak boleh tidur...

Bila tak boleh tidur, ada je yang nak dibuat.

Salah satunya - sila lawat sini mulai dari saat ini.

hehehe....memang takde kerja, cari kerja.

No more spending, no more shopping.

Today is the 7th day of Ramadhan.
It is definitely a rest day for me. A complete rest. After returning from Mr & Mrs Seademon's big FAMILY buka puasa gathering at 3am, and slept after subuh, I only woke up at about 2pm. Call me lazy, call me whatever you want to, but I'm just treasuring the precious moment to sleep and rest before the coming few weeks.

Later in the evening, went to Scubadynamics dive shop to get the dive comp and a pair of gloves. Its kind of pricey but I know I need this for my future (soon) dives. Its definitely a long term investment. Buying this, means I got to cut off my expenses on lots of other things for future and had used up my savings too :-( Well, the good thing is the dive comp also came with a free torch;-)

From there, since it was still early, I headed to IKEA, and thank god to find a parking spot was very easy! I didn't have any specific plans for buka puasa as I had prepared myself by packing some dates and a bottle of mineral water in my bag, just incase :p Headed to the BORDER and managed to get myself some important books for work. (Ok, NO MORE shopping after this).

And I ended up in SUSHI King for buka puasa as that is the only place I find conducive to eat ALONE without people looking at me weirdly. After that, bought myself some donuts and immediately headed back home.

One thing I noticed, the donuts ain't taste the same anymore as the one I had in Ramadhan last year with some friends. Maybe they changed the recipe :-(

Monday onwards, I foresee myself to be VERY busy as I need to teach almost everyday on top of loads of paperwork need to be completed. Orientation, Communication, Announcements, Terms& Conditions and One Day Visit - those are the subjects I teach.
The positive thing about this is, time will fly very fast.

Note to self - 40 ONLY days to Habibi's return

One day at a time...

27th August - yup, that is today's date.
Only 4 more days to our fasting month, Ramadhan. For the past 3 years, other than happily fasting and losing weight, it has always made me sad. I really don't know what to expect this time round. The truth is, I'm not ready to be sad again.

I strongly believe that fasting month is a special month that we should spend more time with our loved ones. Especially during 'bersahur' , 'berbuka' and 'solat tarawih'. And without all that, it makes me sad. There are also some changes in my life this year which does not help to improve the situation at all.


The differences are:

:-( A friend whom I regularly hang out to have McD for 'sahur' last year is now married. He's definitely not into eating McD for sahur anymore
:-( A group of friends who made me laugh while we had supper together last year have also made their own ways.
:-( I am not working on shifts anymore. This makes a BIG difference as I will need to be home for buka puasa.

And no, I have not done and not planning to do any preparation for Syawal. I still have the old baju kurungs which are still nice to wear. And there are no comfortable shoes out there to replace my old, comfy CLARKS shoes that I got from the UK 3 years ago. (I have big feet ok and the stores in Msia don't have my size!)

The only plans I have right now are:

;-) to stock up on cornflakes and milk for my sahur. Yes! I'm going to have this only everyday.
;-) to 'fly' to either to Jakarta or Bangkok during the weekends just to kill time. Or at least back to my grandma's place (Perhentian sounds good too!)
;-) to 'ganti' my puasa before Syawal ends (as what I have done for the past 3 years).

I hope the 30 fasting days will fly really fast as there are TWO things I look forward after Ramadhan ends......

Habibi is coming home.
And I'm going to Sipadan.

For now, there are 50 days to go. And I need to face this one day at a time not thinking too much of the details.

Is it only me?

Image from Postsecret

Actually, starting 3rd August, I was going to try to make that happen. Not feeling so lonely when I'm alone. When I'm out there, partying, eating, laughing with friends, I just forget about everything.

But when I return home, it is totally opposite. 180 degrees turn .

And the more I tried, the worst I felt.

Does everybody feels the same?

Or is it only me?

I thought I could forget Habibi for awhile and enjoy every moments to the fullest.

Unfortunately, I can't.

I failed.

And I'm suffering.

Is long distance relationship good for health?

How long can I stand tough?

I could only plan

THE PLAN is to fly to Miri on the 1st Aug and return on late Sunday evening. I have been doing this for the past 2 years; celebrating my birthday out of KL. I made up my mind that I would NOT want to be in KL on my birthday.

2 years ago, I celebrated it in Perhentian with a few basketballers....

Last year, I was in Sabah; Kota Kinabalu and Mount Kinabalu to be specific with Dalie and Hana.

This year, its time for Miri. Why Miri? I just want to see the city and since I've got some old Maxis friends there, its like a reunion for all of us.

BUT NOW,

I don't feel like going anywhere. I don't know why. Maybe I think that I'm strong enough to be in KL this time.

I have cancelled my leave for 1st Aug.

Maybe I am still tired from the Redang trip. Maybe I just don't feel well to travel. Maybe I'm just not in the mood to see what's in Miri.

I don't know. I really don't know.

MAYBE this Sunday, I should just do what I love doing a few months back. Take my laptop with me, go jalan-jalan at The Curve, lepak at Starbucks and spend the rest of the time there till the day passes by.

I know Habibi wants me to go to Miri and have fun but I just don't feel like it as things has not gone smoothly for us for the past 2 weeks. There's too much challenges.

For now, I just want to sleep.....

p/s : A colleague at work said he has been here for 3 years but yet to explore and travel in Malaysia.He just refuse to face any risks involve if he was to travel either during or after. I guess at some point he is right. The more we meet new friends, when we return to our empty house, it feels more lonely than before.

I'm going home

I'm staring out into the night,Trying to hide the pain.I'm going to the place where loveAnd feeling good don't ever cost a thing.And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life I chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting oldSo I'm going home.Well I'm going home.The miles are getting longer, it seems,The closer I get to you.I've not always been the best man or friend for you.But your love, remains true.And I don't know why.You always seem to give me another try.So I'm going home.Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life I chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting old.Be careful what you wish for,'Cause you just might get it all.You just might get it all,And then some you don't want.Be careful what you wish for,'Cause you just might get it all.You just might get it all, yeah.Oh, well I'm going home,Back to the place where I belong,And where your love has always been enough for me.I'm not running from.No, I think you got me all wrong.I don't regret this life I chose for me.But these places and these faces are getting old.I said these places and these faces are getting old.
So I'm going home.
I'm going home.

Penyakit Mental Sementara.....hopefully..

My mood swings lately has been VERY bad. Not that I get angry very easily. I don't. I just get SAD easily. I don't know why. Sad songs, sad stories, sad pictures - everything brought tears to me for the past few days.

I guess its because that I have 2 extreme lifestyles. Extreme for me means at work, I've got loads of cool people to chat and joke with, and if I have classes to teach, they are just cool students to have fun while sharing the knowledge.

BUT when I come home, I come home to a totally empty house.No doubt it is cosy, but it is still empty. I've finished watching my DVD collection weeks ago. I even finished watching my bro-inlaw's collection too.

I'm trying hard not to feel this way. Maybe its because of some changes that has happened..

I hope its just the Penyakit Mental Sementara

WHY my life is interesting...

Early in the morning at 7.30am, as I entered the lift to go down to my car, I saw the lady's zipper was not done. Still feeling numb and sleepy, I just said, " Miss, you tak zip seluar lah."
She didn't even lift up her face till the lift door opened and she walked out.

*************************************************

My partner in crime at work has not been talking to me since yesterday morning - which is not his usual. I suspected he was upset with something.
I don't really care as I know I didn't do anything wrong. For me, if anybody wants me to play in their game, make sure they can do vice versa.
But some other people has been talking about us.

To clear the air off, I called him during break , and when he came near me, I gave him a hug and ask, "Are you ok?"
He replied, " Yes. Why? Are you ok?" He was surprised with the hug.
I said, " I'm ok. I heard rumours people are saying that you are not ok. And it seems that people say that we are fighting. I just want to clear the air". (I know eyes were looking at us)

He laughed and replied, " F&*% off!"

****************************************************

Before invigilating an exam this morning, as I was walking beside a student, I heard he called me "Miss Spena" and smiled.
Hmm.....very interesting when we have Facebook. The name I use since I was in Form 3 sounds weird when it was called out by a much younger generation.
Especially by my student.
Just feels like going back to school.

*********************************************
It feels weird but it is the truth and nothing but the truth.
I put up Derek Sheperd's pic as my desktop background in the office.
Everytime I look at him, my heart 'cair'.
Nak marah kat orang pun tak jadi.

*********************************************

A handsome 20 year old student asked me, " Miss, can I follow you back home?"

Kids nowadays.....

*********************************************
Planned to watch SEPI at Alamanda; the 7.20pm show. Left office at 6.15pm and till 7.15pm I still couldn't find where Alamanda is. Cis.

Tried to cool down myself, I took these pics.



3 times being there, still couldn't find my way, is a bit too much to take. To cool down, I went to Jusco IOI instead.

And had loads of salmon for dinner.

Have been craving for it since last month.

Even Anuar Zain's songs are not helping

How could you listen to Anuar Zain's songs and not feel anything at all towards your love ones? Most times, listening to his songs, it makes my heart hurts. As if somebody's squeezing it hard.
(Btw, he looks a little bit tembam tonight during the Jom Heboh concert)

*****************************************

How I wish for some people who has their love ones around, to treasure them and love them and enjoy the relationship as the days go by.
Please remind yourself that you are lucky, comparing to others whom their spouse/partner is not by their side.

*****************************************

Just remember, your partner comes in a package. Nobody is perfect. And there is no such thing as a perfect plan too.

*****************************************

Me: Do you know that I love you very much?
Habibi: Yes I do. I love you too.
Me: Do you want me to wait forever?
Habibi: No Habibati. I promise you , the time will come very soon. Insya Allah.

*****************************************

At times, we just need to be alone.
We do have wonderful friends. However being with friends, sometimes make us miss our love ones more.
Sometimes we could feel jealous too.
And that hurts more than just being alone.

*****************************************

My graph is going down.
I MISS YOU.

Which one of these yummy guys....

It's Friday night and I'm all alone. Since Habibi is too busy and I am missing him like crazy, I need a temporary replacement. Hmm...who shall I dream of tonight?

Oh! Now that's a tough call for me.

All of them are yummy.....

Can I have all of 'em?Pleaseeee

Lipat baju? nanti dulu....

After 3 days, I cannot tahan anymore. I must write. I have less free time to relax on my sofa for the past few days. Now, I feel like writing.I must talk to my blog. Especially when Habibi is busy with his 'duties' and that makes me miss him like crazy. CRAZY!! I'm trying to distract myself here for a while.

This morning, me and a few colleagues went to visit our staff's accomodation somewhere in USJ. I thought it was a normal apartment - I was wrong!


We were welcomed by a pair of baby elephants.


The gym...hmmm...it has an open concept gym; faces the open area where the swimming pools and the children playground are.
The garden terraces - really, really nice and windy. It is suitable for organising functions. Especially at night. Maybe I could borrow this place to celebrate my birthday. (hint..hint...Habibi)
The swimming pool from 12th floor.

The masterbedroom and its attached bathroom. A colleague who is going to get married this Sept commented, " Wow! Can I have this place? I'm getting married soon". Well, I guess during the 1st 2 years of your marriage, it is still cool. Masuk 5 tahun? 10 tahun? All the 'shapes' changes. Silap haribulan by the 5th year you want the glass to be painted! Hehehe.....We had lunch at the cafe downstairs. Do they really call 'telur mata kerbau/lembu' as bulls eye ?

And remember this new home of mine?

CURRENTLY it looks like this:
I know, I know. I have to release my stress first before start folding my clothes. And all those other junks? They are going to dissapear by this Saturday evening because the contractor is going to install my new hallway and kitchen cabinets during the day! Yipppiiiee......And I can store the junks away..

When routine sets in...

2 nights ago, during our usual 'weekdays' online date thru YM Voice chat;

Me: Habibi, when are you coming back?
Habibi: (raising his voice) you know habibati, we've talked about this a few times.
Me: But Habibi, I'm asking because I miss you.
Habibi: you know I can only return in Oct. Why do you keep asking?
Me: Is it wrong for me to ask? We are already into a routine thingy here, I wait for you to come online and we talk and talk and later ended our call with exchanging good night wishes. I just wish that you would answer me by telling me you've changed your plans and would like to come earlier than October.
Habibi: What's wrong with telling you not to ask again?
Me: Let me repeat myself. We are going into a routine now. People get bored easily with routine. And people take for granted when it becomes a routine. And I don't want that to happen to us. I don't want you to take for granted that I am here. Do you want me not to ask you anything and just don't care whether you are returning or not?
Habibi: I am sorry Habibati. I am not taking you for granted. If I can return earlier, let it be a surprise. I am hoping that would happen. I love you and I miss you a lot too.


I don't want to be the 'routine' couple. I will be worried if our relationship becomes a routine. Then it might become an obligation instead of love.

Aahh....and that "I love you" phrase from him. The way he says it, it just makes me love him more.

I don't need a man...

Currently, I just need this.
And this is not the only container in my freezer......

When I thought what happened in the morning was the worst....

Today, I started off really early. No, I'm not on shift work but due to work 'requirements' needed to be at LCCT at 5am. Unfortunately things did not turn out as we planned it to be. Not able to reveal here but it was a VERY bad experience. I felt my legs were trembling. My heart just stopped beating. All because of the unexpected incident.

After that, at 9am I had to act as if nothing happened and went on with my class as usual. Thank god the students were fun to be with.

What else could turn out bad? When I thought the rest of the day should be better, I WAS WRONG. I reached home at about 7(as usual) and noticed that my freezer door was not closed properly. Oh Noooooooo!!!!

So, this was what I was forced to have for dinner:

Fish.........and
lamb.I just bought these yesterday to last till next week. Since both are thawed and soft, I had to cook it. No choice. And I had only black pepper, garlic and salt in my 'incomplete' kitchen. Both with the same marinate, I put them in together, at the same time, in the oven - just different containers. Just too lazy to think anymore.

Tired. Frustrated. Angry.
Especially when 1 1/2 tub of my ice-cream is gone!
Sob....sob.....

I better drink that Coke to calm myself down.

Oil price goes down....

Habibi said today the price of oil went down tremendously ( an update from his company in KSA which produces oil). It is due the 5% increase in production .

If they increase in production, then the price will go lower (hopefully). But this is where I don't want it to happen. Increase in production means hardwork and more work for them. Which means more work/long hours for Habibi too.

For this, I am being selfish - I don't agree for him to do extra work. Now itself he's already doing a 6am-6pm job daily.

Give us some quality time to talk to each other, please!

A dream coming true - soon

Everything seems to be settling and slowing down. My home is almost ready - just waiting for the contractor to do the kitchen and pax wardrobe at the hall.)This is not good, as this would lead me missing Habibi like crazy. (earlier I do miss him but now its getting worst)

How I wish I could enjoy sometime at the beach and listen to the waves. Just close my eyes and remember the beautiful memories. But knowing myself, I can't do that as this makes me miss Habibi more ;-( So for now, my plan is, to fulfil my dream which has been put on hold for the past 4 years.

And I am going to complete it by the end of this month, Insya Allah. Must.

p/s - I could feel this is happening soon.

I'm THREE!!

I started writing this blog in 2005 because I was away in the UK for 3 months from the 'EX' whom I planned to celebrate our 10th year wedding anniversary in 2007. I was missing him a lot and was thinking that the best way for me to update him about things in detail is thru this medium.

However, 'things' happened which crushed my heart and the whole plan. A situation which almost made me insane. The lucky thing is, even though I 'lost' my ex, I still have this blog. At times, when friends are not able to help and be around, for example at 3am, this loyal blog accompanied me, without fail. I think, if it can really 'talk', it might have complaint that 'it' had to listen to all my sad stories.

This blog helps me to go through the tough times. It has helped me not to become crazy. It has also helped me to get to know new friends. When I 'hibernate' , I would read it from day one to remind me of the good and bad old days. It acts like a 'video camera' without the picture for me. It is just so amazing to read all the things that was written , and what I've gone thru in this 3 years.

Personally, there's about 10% of my life which I can't write here until the suitable time arrives. ( I hope so). Other than that, it is definitely my 'diary'.

I hope , to keep writing this ,insya Allah.

Happy 3rd birthday to my blog.

My new song.

Faizal Tahir menang besar in AIM!!!! See! I told some of you he is a great singer. And I don't blame him for what happened as he learned how to seriously sing, be serious and get the right 'feel' in the OIAM earlier. So, kalau dah 'feel' and sampai buka baju, bukan salah dia kan.

Tak sia2 ambik gambar with him in Jakarta earlier. Hehehe...

Anyways, I've changed my song. Before this I put up the 'Superman' song. Coincidently, he is the Malaysian version of 'Superman' ...hehehe. This is one of the songs that I love. It just gives me the strength, the motivation, the 'push' to go on and on. I also asked Dynamites to sing this when they were warming up just before the final game with our 'musuh tradisi'. (Even though they only memorised the chorus).

It helped.

Gemuruh - Faizal Tahir


Bila bertalu rentak di kalbu
Hasrat yang tersirat semakin ku buru
Bila bergema laungan gempita
Harapan bernyala nadiku berganda

Gemuruh jiwa semangat membara
Dari puncak ingin ke angkasa
Berkalungkan bintang berkelipan
Menyerlah jauh dari yang biasa


Bila bertalu rentak di kalbu
Hasrat yang tersirat semakin ku buru
Bila bergema laungan gempita
Harapan bernyala nadiku berganda


Gemuruh jiwa semangat membara
Dari puncak ingin ke angkasa
Berkalungkan bintang berkelipan
Menyerlah jauh dari yang biasa

Ungkapan ini bukan sekadar bermimpi
Segalanya pastikan terbukti nanti


Gemuruh jiwa semangat membara
Dari puncak ingin ke angkasa
Berkalungkan bintang berkelipan
Menyerlah jauh dari yang biasa

Exciting vs not-so exciting

A lot of exciting things happening :

- A close friend is getting married to another friend. And glad to say I was the culprit who 'advertised' his a*rse to her....hehehe. Alhamdulillah .

-Another close friend is in love with another friend who is also a friend to the friend above. (paham?) Well, again, I was the one who brought him to her house and warned her not to go after him coz he had a gf earlier. (knowing how 'gatal' my friends can sometimes be and their taste in men....hehehe...just joking)

-My family is going to hold a wedding reception for my cousin this month too. All my relatives from Terengganu will be coming to KL. Can't wait to see everybody , and the food too.(my aunties are excellent cooks )



The 'not-so' exciting parts are:

- There is an 80% chance I will not be able to go and watch the girls play in the National and even the trainings on the coming weekends. I'm scheduled to work on Saturdays and we are also moving to phase 2 of the Academy.

-I got to pack my stuff alone and clean up the current apartment (managed to get a bibik to help). Target date is by the 2nd week of May to be completed (pack, clean and move out). I'm starting this Sunday.


Yes!!! Overall, I'm so excited to start moving in. The vendor called me and she said I could get the keys to the new crib and move in from 1st May onwards. Alhamdulillah.

Now......what shall I bring first since I'm only moving my things by car? Hmm....

Same 'old' me

In between of not having enough rest (actually 7 1/2hrs is more than enough, its just that I'm not used to it), I have started to pack my things. (Yes habibi, I have!)

Well, I have not gotten the keys, not even any news about my new crib yet, but I target that I should be able to move in about 1 month from now. And now, since everyday at home I don't do anything else other than sleeping, I figure that I better start packing the things that I want to bring over but not using it for the for the moment.

Things like my pots and pans, the crockeries, my books, small electrical items are going in first. I just need to leave minimum items which mainly are my clothes. And this will help me to get rid of the things that WILL NOT be packed into the boxes. (loads of them)

Anyways, I think I'm a lucky person, alhamdulillah. One of the consultant that I'm working with now, previously was working with IKEA as their Interior Designer. Yup! That's right. I have hinted her that I might need her help to decide how to design/place the things/cabinets in my new crib.Nothing fancy; simple and smart, that's all. hehehe......

When Habibi was here, with his help, I also managed to get some big electrical items like the washer, dryer ,fridge and bed settled. They just have to deliver those items when I get the keys later.

I need to get some other things too- not that the current things can't be used. Some are starting to give problems like my iron, blender and kettle. Some are still ok like the rice cooker (since I seldom use them...hehehe) .This is also the part where I totally MOVE ON into a new life. This is it. I prefer not to bring anything that reminds me of the past. Oh yeah, I need to get an oven too. (to make my famous roast lamb leg....perasan sat)

New job.New crib. New things. New life. New future.
Same 'ol me.

I am so excited. Can't wait for THE DAY to arrive.